30 Days of Truth: Day One- Something You Hate About Yourself

Oh boy. This one could be a doozy.
You know what? I know this sounds like a cop-out answer, but here it is:
I hate how much I hate about myself.

I hate that some days all I can see when I look at myself in the mirror is a hot steaming pile of FAIL.
I hate that I judge everything I do against impossible standards. I don’t even know where they came from anymore, but there they are, mocking me at every turn.
I hate that I can’t take a compliment. You might hear me say “thank you” and smile politely but inside my head I’m thinking “What do they want? Why are they lying to me? What are they trying to get out of me?” because so many times in my life, exactly that has happened. Someone was nice to me, I let my guard down, they took what they wanted and left.
I hate that I can’t trust anyone, even those who have stuck around for years and proven their dedication I have to hold at arm’s length, sometimes, because it’s safer.
I hate the urge I sometimes get to just bail on people, to reject them before they have a chance to reject me, if I sense an impending rejection.
I hate that I judge people automatically because I judge myself so harshly.

I hate that my opinion of people is always hung up in my opinion of myself. And I hate that my opinion of myself is as low as it is, and that it’s based on what people have told me I should think about myself rather than any actual facts.

Advertisement